Clarifying Goals. Taking the Next Step.

I was walking past a row of pastry shops the other day when a big colourful sign on a window distracted me.   It said, “The more you weigh, the harder you are to kidnap. Stay safe. Eat Cake.” Below the sign was a prize array of the most delectably decorated cakes. Obediently, I glided in like a moth to a flame, hovering around the display.

Asking for a slice of vegan iced carrot cake, I jokingly said to the attendant, “You must get a lot of customers because of that sign you have out there! You clearly tempted me!” Her reply confirmed that she clearly wasn’t the one who had written the sign, or someone who had woken up on the right side of the bed that morning, because she said, “Well, noone’s forcing you to come in are they. You came in because you wanted to!”

Stopping myself from congratulating her on her stellar customer service skills, what she said made me think of a video I watched recently:

Natalie Portman’s Harvard Commencement Speech is worth a listen. She touches upon something quite important – the need to ask ourselves why we are doing what we do. Not to a degree where we become paranoid and start doubting and questioning ourselves incessantly, but rather to understand that our motives for doing what we do, are our own. As Portman says, achievement is wonderful when you know why you are doing it. Otherwise it can be a terrible trap. Sharing her own story,she talks about how she comes from a very intellectually oriented, academic family, and therefore has always felt the pressure to become somebody who could be taken seriously.

Despite starting her acting career at the age of 11 and loving it, she gave it up to study Neurobiology and advanced Hebrew literature at Harvard, because acting was too frivolous a profession. Completely overwhelmed by the intense workload of the two subjects she had chosen, she was surprised when she looked around seeing Professors deliver lectures on sailing, hypnosis and the Matrix. “Seriousness for seriousness sake can be quite a dubious trophy,” says she, admitting that she couldn’t even articulate her half imagined intentions of who she wanted to be to herself. It wasn’t surprising that she landed up with a B grade.

During her sophomore year, she had a total breakdown. She wasn’t in the right place and she really missed acting. Through the crash and burn she found the courage to get back to acting. But seeking validation from others still remained her Achilles heel. Her first movie, The Professional, bombed. Despite being mortified by all the criticism she received, she didn’t give up. Something was fighting in her to assert itself. It was her own sense of validation that was now beginning to draw on inner reservoirs for its sustenance rather than external sources. With respect to the criticism evoked by The Professional she says, “Initial reactions can be false predictors of your work and ultimate legacy.” She started choosing jobs that she was passionate about, which didn’t always link in to the same genres or chase any coveted trophies. She focussed on movies that would allow her to glean meaningful life experiences. So she did Goya’s Ghost (related to the Spanish Inquisition), V for Vendetta (about freedom fighters) and Your Highness (a pothead comedy). But this time, she was able to own her own meaning, and not have it determined by Box Office prestige. By the time she auditioned for Black Swan, which won her an Oscar, she was immune to external affirmation. She was engrossed in authoring her own experience and in the process, had become oblivious to her limitations. Despite having no experience as a ballerina, she dived right into the role and worked a million times harder at it, because she wanted to. It was her journey and she owned the results.

The reason for paraphrasing her speech is to highlight that international success came as a by-product for her when she transformed internally, broke free from the iron chains of self-imposed limitations, defined for herself the true core of what leading a meaningful life meant, and acted from that wisdom. Strong evidence of the Buddhist principle of oneness of self and environment (our inner life condition is reflected on the outer canvas of our environment).

Expanding on the point of “authoring one’s own meaning” as mentioned above, I came across an interesting story which reveals that clarifying goals is not enough. In 1961, Sensei travelled across Europe to steadfastly encourage members in each country and devote his energies into wholeheartedly fostering capable people.

When he was in Paris, a beautiful kimono-clad Japanese Soka Gakkai member came to meet him. She told Sensei that she was a ballerina and had just come from performing in Spain the day before. Warmly thanking her for her trouble, Sensei began talking to her, but soon discerned in her a very strong degree of vanity and also a lack of self-confidence. This he felt, was only due to her pursuing the limelight of her profession, while lacking any serious effort to hone her ability and improve herself.

Sensei asked her, “What was your purpose in coming to Paris?” “To study ballet and become a top ballerina,” she replied. “I can understand how someone aspiring to the arts might be attracted to Paris, but you’d better get over the illusion that somehow things will fall into place, just because you’re here,” he said firmly.

“There’s absolutely nothing wrong with aiming to be the best, but you need to clarify your goals each step of the way and challenge yourself each day, sparing no pain or effort to achieve them. Dreams and determinations are two different things. If you simply long for what you’d like to be, but fail to work at it with persistence and painstaking diligence, then you are pursuing an empty dream. If you were really resolved to become the best, then you’d already be taking concrete steps and working with all your might in that direction. Success is another name for repeated, unflagging effort. Hopes and dreams alone without hard work and struggle only leave one prey to anxiety and frustration as the real situation steadily grows more wretched. You have to consolidate your foundation. Buddhism is the highest form of common sense; real faith lies in making consistent efforts to improve oneself. We can change where we live, but unless we change our inner state of life, nothing will be any different.”

This made me realise that combining the crucial ingredients of

1. understanding oneself

2. understanding why one is going after certain goals and

3. Pursuing those goals like a heat-seeking missile, stopping at nothing, sharpening ones abilities through persistent effort

results in a foolproof recipe for a stunning cake. A cake that ensures noone kidnaps our originality. A cake that keeps the bridge between our dreams and reality safe.